We like women to promote others – but not so crazy about them promoting themselves.

Women in the U.S currently dominate all social channels except LinkedIn. Is this because, generally speaking, they’re more comfortable sharing anything OTHER then their own careers? Then I guess it should be no surprise that there’s a perception that women aren’t as good negotiators as their male counter parts. However, it begs the question: “why are men who exhibit more (typically) female traits (such as connecting on a more personal level before jumping into the business,) more successful?”

There is a cost associated to negotiating.

Is it really that women have less confidence or skills? Numerous studies show that employers, who like a female candidate, were less inclined to hire the same candidate after seeing her negotiate. In contrast, the ramifications of men negotiating effectively typically resulted in higher pay. So we can assume that there is a cost to the act itself – some good, and some bad.

Transform being “appreciated” into being “valued.”

A twist: research shows that we like it when women promote others. We acknowledge this by calling them “good managers.” So why is it perceived so negative when women talk highly of themselves professionally? And how do we transform this “appreciation” of this quality, into a “valued” trait in the form of career advancement?

Demonstrate how it is “mutually beneficial.”

Maybe we begin with Sheryl Sandberg’s: “think personally, act communally” strategy, meaning: try providing context as to “why” the negotiation is taking place. I know many women will resent this. After all, why should we have to dance around the topic, while it is already a recognized and admirable quality for men? To that, I would say it’s a matter of knowing your audience. Since most employers have a lack of awareness that they are unknowingly discriminating; connecting the dots on the “skills of negotiating” to the very same qualifications that are required for the position, might just change how its received. Using this “relational” approach involves asking for what you want, while signaling: “this is exactly what you want me to do.” It is mutually beneficial. This will not only make women feel more comfortable while doing so, but also hopefully unburden them from the costs of self-advocating.

Better negotiators leads to better business.

On a side note, I guess I better walk-the-walk by resisting the temptation to merely Tweeting this, and as a female, post this on LinkedIn to change the ratio of women on this channel. By bringing more awareness to managers and candidates alike, we will attract more women who know how to negotiate effectively for themselves, as well as on behalf of their business.

And this is better for women AND men.